Almost everyone on my ICQ contact list asked me why the hosts of “Fight Club” had changed and what exactly I’m doing there now. So here’s my answer to everyone at once. Honestly, I wanted to make something up. But it’s better to tell the truth. As everyone knows, that’s the first rule of anti-crisis PR. When the TV-savvy Yevdokimov told me that my on-screen experience would be bright, interesting, but short-lived, I had no idea just how short-lived it would be. As it turned out, that experience was limited to a pilot episode that never made it to air. Those who followed this whole story know that after endless rounds of selection and casting (even cosmonaut candidates don’t go through that much), I was approved as one of the two hosts of the program “Fight Club.” We successfully shot a pilot, and everyone liked it. As everyone knows, political TV projects have to be approved by the responsible officials of the Bloody Regime™. I have no idea exactly how that works, but from snippets of conversation I gather that the Black Mass takes place not BEFORE but AFTER such a meeting. And the blood-drinking cup, despite the rumors, holds no more than three liters. Be that as it may, the Bloody Regime™ approved me. And then, as they say, force majeure struck. A couple of days later, for some reason, that approval was revoked. Legend has it that representatives of the Moderately Bloody Secret Police had to accept the arguments of the More Bloody Secret Police, who said: “Navalny is a loose cannon, he’ll fool everyone. He’ll build himself up on TV and then lead revolutionary sailors on the Kremlin.” I have no idea where they got that from. The only revolutionary sailor I know is Oleg Kashin. And he’s clearly not going to march on the Kremlin with me. In fact, the idea of marching on the Kremlin first occurred to me when they told me I’d been cut as a host. It’s also unclear what this More Bloody Secret Police is supposed to be. I can’t imagine who could possibly be bloodier than the PEOPLE WHO OVERSEE TV™. The only thing that comes to mind is that the Presidential Administration took Osama bin Laden on staff. Somewhere in the middle of all this infighting, they also got rid of the second host — D**ima Gubin.**** ** I should note here that this is the romantic version of the collapse of my celebrity career. It’s entirely possible that some guy simply said: “What’s this weird pair supposed to be? A giant with a protruding belly and a twitchy homosexual? Get both of them the hell off the blue screens!” But I prefer the romantic version and to think of myself as the Politically Repressed Part of a Unique Journalistic Collective™. Rather than a giant with a protruding belly. To be completely honest, I should add that yes: all my TV activity is only a supplement to my political activity. So for those who believe a political career cannot be combined with television, here is a serious argument in their favor. When I was a candidate for the Moscow City Duma, even Echo Moskvy (a Russian radio station) took my program off the air. So. TVC: I have no complaints against the program’s editor, the editorial management, or the channel’s management. Quite the opposite, in fact. Because A) I know they stood up for me as best they could and did everything possible to keep me on as a host; B) they are all very kind, decent people (nothing like the evil monsters from stories about “the mores reigning on TV”); C) the desire to create a new political talk show in an election year can only be described as heroic. What’s more, after all this nonsense they offered me the chance to stay with the program as editor-in-chief. I’m not entirely sure what an “editor-in-chief” is in this context, but I’m definitely staying. First and foremost because I really want “Fight Club” to make it to the screen after all. I’m absolutely convinced it will be the best political talk show on our television. One of TVC’s goals is to “promote new faces,” even if that doesn’t do much for ratings (for which, obviously, you’re supposed to keep putting Zhirik — Vladimir Zhirinovsky — on all the time). And that will give us the chance to make something genuinely cool. And if it’s cool, the ratings will come. Kazakov is also staying with the program. As usual, we’re creating it together. It’s just a pity that the episode “Krylov vs. Minaev” won’t air. It turned out to be a killer show. It’s also a pity Gubin won’t be there. He’s extremely good as a host and, at the same time, such an irritating ultra-liberal character that people would watch a show with him just to imagine strangling him. The hosts will be Stas Kucher and P**asha Svyatenkov.** Stas is a total TV beast, so there’s no need to worry about him. And as for Pasha, those who were at the last recording saw that he was overexcited and nervous, but I assure you that by the next program he’ll be calm, relaxed, and convincing like Lieutenant Rzhevsky (a stock swaggering officer from Russian jokes) in front of Natasha Rostova (from War and Peace). Just in case, let me repeat for the three-millionth time that our regular “Political Debates” will remain unchanged. I’ll definitely still be the host there. True, instead of the luxury of terrestrial TV broadcasting, we’ll have to make do with YouTube. And in general, whatever happens, happens for the best. It would have been worse if, because of my participation in yet another protest march, they had shut down an already launched program and fired everyone. One last thing on this subject. It turns out that both the More Bloody and the Less Bloody Secret Police™ read my modest LiveJournal. Since I have the opportunity, I’d like to say the following: Dear comrade who “killed” my appointment, I’m sending you a ray of hatred. When the heavy chains fall and good Russian people come looking for you to “settle accounts,” I will not speak up for you. Dear employees of the Presidential Administration of the Russian Federation, get back to work already. Stop sitting on LiveJournal! Friends feeds eat up traffic like crazy. And we’re the ones paying for it. Those are government expenses, after all. You keep increasing them, and that, as we all know, “spins up the flywheel of inflation.” And nothing could be worse than that.