Ashgabat

Ashgabat Airport is incredibly boring. The entire airport consists of two small waiting halls. One has a bar counter. And at the bar, they sell brandy named after Turkmenbashi. Eight stars. I even bought a bottle. As for entertainment, there is only one completely insane sign. "How Turkmens Should Live," or something along those lines. It says the sign was compiled on the basis of the great message to humanity — the *Ruhnama* (the spiritual guidebook written by Turkmen leader Saparmurat Niyazov). Everyone reads it, is stunned, and takes pictures. I took one too. The "hygiene" section. It reminds Turkmens that they should wash their hands before eating and not eat from the same plate:

It’s very entertaining to watch how that sign affects foreigners. There were some Germans sitting with us in the transit zone. Sooner or later, some bored representative of the German nation would wander over to the English version of the Great Rules. He would read it. Rub his eyes. Read it again. Then look wildly around. Read it again. Then run for his camera and start snapping away like mad. The funny thing is, while our people, after the initial surprise, start cracking up and joking around, the Germans for some reason took the sign completely seriously. Not a hint of a smile. They were probably recalling every time they failed to cover their mouths while coughing or sneezing. By the way, there is not a single portrait of Turkmenbashi anywhere in the entire airport. I checked very carefully — I wanted a photo of myself with one in the background. There is a portrait on the plane, though. But you’re not allowed to take pictures there. Naturally, the airport is named after Niyazov. When you land, for some reason it’s the English announcement that really grates on the ear: "Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great." In Russian it sounds normal: "The Great Saparmurat Turkmenbashi." To buy a copy of the *Ruhnama*, you have to go through some strange ritual: walk up to the barmaid, say you want the *Ruhnama*, and if you’re flying back with a layover in Ashgabat as well, they’ll order one especially for you. Ten dollars. You pay when you get it. Why they can’t just sell the book in a normal human way is unclear.