What has finally come to pass is the very thing for which “sovereign democracy” was invented. This is what the staff of Russky Zhurnal (“Russian Journal”) are paid for. This is why “political scientist Markov” exists. This is why Dr. Roshal sits on presidiums. This is why lawyer Kucherena shaves with a special razor — every bristle must be exactly 1.666 millimeters long. The Kremlin towers are fighting to the death to prove that they, specifically, can do it better. This is why Koni the Labrador gave birth on election day. This is why, on conference calls, governors shout themselves hoarse: “Just you watch, Semyonych, if your district comes in under forty percent, we’ll be making personnel decisions!” This is why Ramzan Kadyrov throws thick wads of dollars at dancers’ feet. This is why a “unified information space in the country” is being created. This is exactly what the Russian Army is defending now. This is what Russian Fascism was invented for. A** twenty-five-year-old FSB captain, Andrei Patrushev, has become an adviser to the chairman of the board of directors of Rosneft. Captain Andrei Patrushev of the FSB will receive a 180% bonus on top of his FSB captain’s salary — 20% for working with state secrets, and the rest for the “complexity, intensity, and special conditions of service.” GOYDA!**