Here’s what I have to say about Israel: 1. Tel Aviv is cool, Jerusalem is very cool, the Dead Sea is lame. 2. You should rent a car. A Mazda 3 (for some reason labeled a "family car") costs $261 for five days. Transfers and taxis will cost more, and everything will be a hundred times less convenient. 3. The windows of my hotel in Jerusalem looked out onto what used to be called "Gehenna of Fire" (the biblical Valley of Hinnom, associated with hellfire). These days Gehenna is a ravine with a perfectly trimmed lawn. On a hot day, it’s quite pleasant to lounge around in fiery Gehenna. 4. The strongest impression: my wife and I are walking into the Old City. Coming toward us is a beautiful chick of about 18: tank top, jeans, flip-flops. She walks past, we turn around to check out the view from behind: dangling off her butt is an M16 rifle. More generally, the scruffy goofballs you keep spotting with dreadlocks, torn clothes/shoes, and automatic weapons are pretty entertaining. 5. It was very interesting to observe the everyday life of Orthodox Jews. I was disappointed. With their hats and scoliosis-like backs, they look like mysterious bookworms living in toy villages. In reality, the neighborhoods where Orthodox Jews live are fairly dirty and full of trash. I was shocked that absolutely no one speaks English. Neither old people nor young people. Whereas in Tel Aviv, any waiter speaks American English completely fluently. So the boys in hats are into reading, but apparently they’re only interested in one book. 6. The Tel Aviv promenade is a wonderful clean beach. I didn’t expect something like that to exist in a big city. I’m very jealous of people who can just go for a swim in the sea after a day’s work. 7. The water in the Dead Sea really is extremely salty. Naturally, I tried diving in. Two minutes later I shot out of the water like a bullet looking for a beach shower to rinse my eyes. I thought I was going to go blind. 8. Shabbat really is observed. At a five-star hotel, they didn’t bring us coffee on Saturday. They said there was no way to press the button and turn on the coffee machine. In Jerusalem, meanwhile, on Friday afternoon I felt like a character in I Am Legend. I needed to buy a power cord for my laptop. We’re walking around the city. Everything is closing. People are disappearing. It really feels like just a little more and the sun will set, and with the last ray monsters and mutants will come out into the streets. 9. The famous "Dead Sea mud" can’t just be scooped up from under your feet and smeared on yourself. The mud is sold in little packets. I bought some, came to the beach, put it on. Honestly, the whole thing feels like a scam. 10. In Russia, people really love calling something "the world of..." Like "The World of Parquet," or "The World of Entertainment," or "The World of Electronics." A Dead Sea resort could definitely be called "The World of Cellulite." It’s some kind of hell, really. It’s everywhere. In every kind and shade. 11. The most liberal dress rules apply when visiting Christian holy sites. You can go into the Church of the Holy Sepulchre wearing whatever you want. Women with uncovered heads (I was told that the Greek Church has no prescriptions on this point, so everyone else follows suit). It’s stricter at the Western Wall. On the Temple Mount, my wife was asked to button the top button of her shirt. It’s the same with security. Near the Western Wall and the Temple Mount, they frisk you. You could practically bring a machine gun into the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. 12. When you see how everything is mixed together and how closely Arabs and Jews live side by side, you realize that the conflict between them is irresolvable. 13. All in all, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to organize a new Crusade (the woodsman showed up and kicked everyone out — a joking Russian fairy-tale-style way of saying someone came and cleared the place out). Overall: an interesting country, definitely worth visiting. And Jerusalem is absolutely a must-see for every human being.