Well, all right. As painful as it is to waste time on these crooks, I have to, since I said I would. So: Previously in this absurd soap opera: 1. The young United Russia activists, before Luzhkov had even had time to close the door behind him at City Hall, started squealing about what a terrible person he was. Using phrases like “he should go on an erotic walking tour after Yuri Mikhailovich.” 2. I wrote a short note about it. Political flexibility. 3. The little United Russia loyalists got offended and wrote an angry article, “You’re Lying, Navalny”: Thus, MOLGVARDIA.RU ACCUSES BLOGGER NAVALNY OF VILE, DELIBERATE LYING AND DEMANDS SATISFACTION IN THE INFORMATIONAL SPHERE! 4. I said I was ready to play this fun little game with them—satisfaction. And creative commenters immediately came up with a great term: “to satisfuck” them. Apparently the whole Photoshop-and-putting-out-fires-on-Twitter story taught these people nothing. Strictly speaking, there’s no point in “satisfying” Young Guard anymore. The commenters already did that on the very first page of the post, many thanks to them for that. Here’s what Young Guard was writing about the “failed Luzhkov, who has lost all sense of adequacy” just a month ago, when Luzhkov was still sitting on Olympus and they were gazing up at him devotedly from below: 1. “Yuri Mikhailovich, Young Guard can become your political special forces!” declared Yulia Maryasova. 2. The path our capital has traveled over the past 17 years is visible to the naked eye. And any unbiased “summing up” of Luzhkov’s work (though it is completely unclear why anyone would be summing it up now—Yuri Mikhailovich seems alive, well, full of strength and energy, and calmly working in his post), must, of course, begin by acknowledging this fact. 3. Luzhkov will not leave! Young Guard supports the mayor of the capital. 4. Luzhkov’s services not only to the capital but to the country are enormous. Even in the worst years of the “orange” dictatorship in Ukraine, he never stopped helping Sevastopol and flew to Crimea, unafraid of the real risk of being seized by the SBU (Ukraine’s security service). Therefore, I believe that if such a basic feeling as gratitude still remains among our journalists (most of them yesterday’s provincials who only recently moved to Luzhkov’s Moscow), then this persecution must stop immediately. And so on. These young political prostitutes can, of course, delete the links, but Google cache remembers everything. Now let’s move on to the main point. I’ve already stated my attitude toward Luzhkov, and I’m not going to change it. But this whole Luzhkov story is perfectly suited for “satisfying” not only the young political prostitutes, but their older colleagues too. Here’s why. Anyone who has ever run for the Moscow City Duma, the State Duma, local council, etc. (in one of Moscow’s districts) knows that one magic thing guaranteed you victory. If you had that thing, you were happy and your competitors wept. United Russia people tore each other’s throats out over it. That thing was a photograph with Yuri Mikhailovich Luzhkov. It also symbolized getting onto the “Luzhkov list.”
(By the way, Platonov is one of the few who didn’t sell Luzhok [a colloquial nickname for Luzhkov] out.) If you were on Luzhkov’s list, state employees and pensioners voted for you. If you were on Luzhkov’s list, you had already won.
Nobody cared in the slightest about a photo with Putin, much less Medvedev. Only Luzhkov could open that coveted little gate.
That’s why United Russia loved Luzhkov. And licked him so hard they drenched Moscow and the Moscow suburbs in their drool. Watch the videos from party congresses. Luzhkov walks in, and a crowd of United Russia members literally tiptoes, half-bent, crawling in circles around him. They shove each other aside just to shout, “Hello, Yuri Mikhailovich,” and are overjoyed if he so much as turns his head in their direction.
Now this crowd of nasty little freaks, having realized they can no longer get money or positions from Luzhkov, is yapping at him maliciously, habitually flooding Moscow and the Moscow suburbs with its drool. Why are they doing this? Because they think nobody remembers anything: by election time, everyone will have forgotten. I propose—and ask politically aware citizens—to take part in a little educational campaign: 1. Find wonderful quotes from United Russia members at all levels about Luzhkov - before his dismissal - after his dismissal 2. Post them in the comments to this post (with links and, if possible, screenshots) as top-level comments. 3. Add Luzhkov’s own quotes from his interview with The New Times: “United Russia did not defend one of its own.” “United Russia is a handmaiden party.” 4. Add a very short and clear text. Something like: “Read this and understand: United Russia is a party of prostitutes and traitors. Always vote against United Russia, and urge others to do the same.” 5. Lay it all out (specialists needed here) as a leaflet in PDF format. One side, A4. 6. Make a video based on these quotes for distribution on YouTube and elsewhere. Of course, neither the leaflets nor the videos should look flattering toward Luzhkov—that’s important. We’re not going to play him up. Anyone can print the leaflet and simply put it into the mailboxes in their apartment building. I personally will do that once a month with great pleasure. I’m sure thousands of people will do it with me. We’ll spread the link to the leaflet and the video. We’ll suggest that party activists from all parties take part too—just print and distribute, no hassle. No one is rushing us. We don’t really have elections anyway. There’s no task of distributing a certain number by a certain date. We’ll slowly come down from the mountain and “satisfy” the whole herd of United Russia hacks. In fact, our organizational and media capabilities aren’t that small. We’ll spread the download link for the leaflet through every decent media outlet, website, and project. We can squeeze quite a lot even out of LiveJournal alone. With several videos and several good leaflets, we can easily reach an audience of a couple million people in six months. That’s perfectly fine. The cost of the whole operation: zero rubles, zero kopecks. We’ll focus on pensioners. I’m judging by my wife’s grandmothers—huge Luzhok fans. They will NE-VER vote for United Russia if you explain to them (and then keep reminding them) how they dumped their buddy Luzhkov. (And by the way, don’t use small print in the leaflet.) I’m announcing a creative contest for the best leaflet and the best video. There will be no money and no prizes for the winners, but we’ll promote them, love them, and award them medals “For Satisfaction of United Russia.” Many thanks to everyone who takes part at any stage of the process.