On Friday at our office, we made a bet on United Russia’s result. Everyone gave a prediction, and we wrote them all down on a piece of paper. We were predicting the “official result” specifically—that is, the result adjusted for fraud. For a week, everyone else has to treat the winner to meals at a restaurant. No one will be feeding me. To my shame, I have to admit that I timidly predicted 54% for the Party of Crooks and Thieves. It just seemed unlikely that things were that bad for them—that even the magical beard of the crook Churov (Vladimir Churov, then head of Russia’s Central Election Commission) wouldn’t be enough to secure them a majority. Only one person in our office said United Russia would get under 50. “United Russia < 50% of the nationwide vote” had been declared the maximum political goal for all active, decent people in this election. To force these brazen swindlers to at least acknowledge everyone else. To make them negotiate, make deals. If someone had told me on Saturday that the “official result” for the Party of Crooks and Thieves would be < 50%, I would have had a happy grin on my face for 24 hours straight. Well, I woke up. 49.54. And somehow I don’t feel any happiness. Quite the opposite, in fact. Because by yesterday afternoon it had become clear that the Party of Crooks and Thieves could realistically have been fighting for 35%, not 50%. And so yesterday’s idea of a stunning success now quite naturally seems a lot less appealing.
(a solid interactive results map on Gazeta.ru) We can be proud of the Far East, Siberia, the Urals, Central Russia, St. Petersburg, and the Northwest, where the crooks and thieves got thoroughly beaten. And not only beaten—they were also prevented from stealing the victory. When the results from Vladivostok started coming in yesterday afternoon, I honestly felt like running out, buying a ticket there, flying over, and kissing people in the streets. This election was a battle for the cities. I’ve said that many times. The citizens of the Russian Federation won that battle.
Those two are no longer really the authorities now. In the sense that they do not represent the so-called “multinational people of the Russian Federation.” The main result of this election is complete clarity at last: who exactly the Crooks and Thieves represent, despite their favorite line that they are “the party of teachers, doctors, engineers, etc.” United Russia is a party that represents Chechnya, the thieving elite of the ethnic republics, the beaten-down countryside, and the corrupt Moscow municipal machine that saved the “EdRosy” (a colloquial nickname for United Russia members) from total collapse.
Putin is the president of Chechnya, Dagestan, and Ingushetia—not of Russia. Moscow is a separate conversation. The victory was stolen here, and it could not be defended—that is the main disappointment. All the exit polls showed 27% at most. The “results” turned out to be almost twice as high. And we don’t even need exit polls: Moscow is not 100% uniform, of course, but it is impossible to believe that in one district United Russia got 23%, while just across the street it got 70%. A huge amount of evidence of fraud has been collected. There are dozens of video recordings. Defending the results in Moscow is now the main task of the opposition parties—both those celebrating victory and those that did not make it into the Duma (Russia’s lower house of parliament) but still got good results in Moscow. As a Muscovite, I personally demand that every party except United Russia officially declare that it does not recognize the results in the city of Moscow. All the crooks from housing offices, district administrations, schools, and election commissions who took part in this lawlessness must be held criminally accountable. Lists of these people should be compiled, and they should be pursued. Gorbunov and the whole gang must be officially named enemies. The leaders and members of the opposition parties must come out this evening to a protest rally in the city center. I want to congratulate everyone and say thank you. No one believed that “under 50” was possible. I was sick of the crowds of skeptics saying, “You’re out of touch with ordinary people, you have no idea what’s going on beyond the MKAD (the Moscow Ring Road).” “You need television; the internet doesn’t work.” “You’ll never convince grandmothers with your little pictures.” “The campaign against the Party of Crooks and Thieves is just hamsters (internet nobodies); the rest of the country doesn’t know anything about it.” We have reshaped the country’s political space: Everyone together—against United Russia. Russia—against the Party of Crooks and Thieves. Being a member of United Russia has become downright shameful. Not a single crooked single-mandate candidate running from United Russia printed the party logo or portraits of the Kremlin crooks on their campaign materials—it only hurts them. For anyone seeking public support, the rational choice became to criticize United Russia or, at the very least, keep their distance from it. Wake anyone up in the middle of the night and ask: which party is the Party of Crooks and Thieves? And they’ll answer correctly. A stunning new sociological phenomenon: even those who voted for the Party of Crooks and Thieves won’t say so in public, not even to exit pollsters. They’re ashamed. The absolute monopoly of the zombie-box (slang for state television) has been broken; we have learned how to get information to millions of people without it. People came out to vote who had not voted in the last ten years. Our main enemy—Mr. “THIS_IS_ALL_USELESS_WE_DECIDE_NOTHING”—has not yet been defeated, but he has taken a serious blow. For the first time in many years, millions of completely different Russian citizens chose a common political strategy, carried it out without any serious coordination, and achieved success. Yes, the crooks got 49% instead of the 35% they really deserved. But their former 65% can now only appear in their sweetest dreams. They falsified the vote, but this falsification is like a botched rejuvenation treatment with botox. He wanted to fool someone and look young, but instead he ended up looking like an uncle stung by bees. The only remedy he knows is to add even more Botox, but now he’s afraid his eyes won’t open and his mouth will slide to the back of his head. So he flails around. Suffers. That fake 49% is the Botox face of the authorities. Something artificial is glaringly obvious and unpleasant. It would have looked better with wrinkles. The cheekbones are stretched so tight they look ready to burst. And burst they will. Once again, many thanks to everyone who took part, in one way or another, in the campaign against the Party of Crooks and Thieves. You are real citizens. What comes next will be harder, but also more fun. Now we know for certain that we can succeed. And win.