Today, lying in the chair with a dental drill in my mouth, I realized why going to the dentist feels so uncomfortable. For example, I’m not actually afraid of going. Although I do have some unpleasant childhood memories about it. But these days the anesthesia is fine. It doesn’t hurt one bit. Sure, it’s unpleasant, but it’s nothing compared with something like a gastroscopy (I hope I spelled that right). And then I understood: for me, it’s all about complete helplessness. I can’t shake the feeling that at any moment the doctor might jam that screeching thing down my throat, and I’ll just choke on my own blood. Or die of shock. Even when I had my appendix removed under spinal anesthesia (so only the lower half of your body is numb), and I was feeling absolutely awful, I still didn’t feel this helpless. Pretty horrifying, in short. Probably some kind of complexes buried deep in my subconscious. Dr. Lecter would probably have a lot to say about that.
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