Hi everyone. I’m back with you after a 30-day business trip. I’m incredibly happy to be free again. I won’t brag about how many books I read—a lot. Better to tell you how the detention center was prepared for the FIFA World Cup. It’s unbelievably interesting. Apparently, the authorities aren’t ruling out having to arrest drunk English fans for disorderly conduct, and they don’t want to embarrass themselves. All the cells got a full “European-style renovation” (a Russian term for a modern, upgraded remodel). The bars were painted. And instead of holes in the floor (sorry for the detail), they installed toilets. They put up goalposts in the exercise yard and handed out real soccer balls. The food got better than in a restaurant. There’s even a waiter—a police academy cadet walks around handing out menus. Kind of like on a plane: you can choose one of two options. Here’s what yesterday’s lunch looked like; I wrote it down on purpose: Appetizer: potato salad or a cabbage pirozhok. Soup: kharcho or borscht with a pampushka. Main course: plov or shashlik. You could even get pork shashlik, but for those keeping kosher/halal there was a lamb option. Dessert: tiramisu (!) or a cherry pirozhok. Drink: water, cranberry mors, or non-alcoholic beer. Imported! Since the detention center staff don’t speak English, they brought in female interns—students from the Maurice Thorez Institute of Foreign Languages (a well-known Moscow language university). They wear a special uniform, something between a police officer and a flight attendant. Since there are no foreigners yet, the students are bored; they complain loudly and demand mass arrests so they can make acquaintances. Best of all: they installed huge LCD screens in the cells so detainees could watch the World Cup matches. Everyone who gets released is given a gift: a little book of laws and either dominoes or backgammon with World Cup branding. I chose backgammon. Anticipating your comments along the lines of “I want to get arrested,” I should note that space is limited, so if you’re planning any public-order violations, you’d better hurry. After the World Cup, the golden carriage will turn back into a pumpkin.