Let’s talk about naked photos. Nudes, that is.  And of course you roll your eyes and say:  - Navalny, what are you even doing here? What do nudes have to do with you? You march in formation, and the biggest event of the week in your world is getting a boiled egg for Friday breakfast. You and nudes exist in opposite corners of the universe.
 Ha ha ha. To that I roll my eyes even harder — a double eye-roll — and reply: kids, believe me, I currently have more naked photos, videos, and nudes in general than all the sleaziest TikTokers in your city put together.  The thing is, Russia’s prison system loves filming you naked. For example, in SIZO-1 (pretrial detention center No. 1), not only do you strip completely as a matter of routine before going to court and again when you come back, but also during every cell search, which happen constantly. During these, I was filmed on body cameras by no fewer than three staff members. So unlike your lame nudes shot on a phone’s front-facing camera, mine are high 3D art, filmed from multiple angles. You could edit them together afterward like in *Avatar*. Only instead of floating glowing specks, there would be crumbs of instant noodles on the search table next to my underwear. Someone had been searched before me, and the noodles had spilled out of the packet. Did you know that under Russian Justice Ministry regulations, a “full search” — meaning stripping completely naked, along with all the “open your mouth,” “pull your lower lip down,” “pull your cheek aside,” and so on — is carried out both before and after a meeting with your lawyer? Even if it’s through glass, like mine. In other words, the prison colony administration, even if it’s already sick of seeing you naked, will still strip and film you. Without that, a meeting with counsel is impossible. So on days when my lawyer comes, I get double naked video coverage. As genre convention requires, the person commissioning the shoot gives directions. What you’re supposed to do once you’re already naked. In my camp, everything follows the rules and is fairly chaste: squat three times. That’s standard. *(Continued in the carousel)*