Well, from now on you can call me Alexei “Doc Brown” Navalny, or Marty McNavalny. Because as of the day before yesterday, I stand accused of committing a crime with the help of a time machine. An investigator who came to see me at the prison camp (a full colonel from the Main Investigative Directorate, no less!) formally charged me. This time, it’s for “creating an organization that infringes on the personhood and rights of citizens.” Apparently, I committed this crime in 2011, when I founded the ACF (Anti-Corruption Foundation). And the proof that my actions were criminal is that 10 years later, a “court” declared the ACF an extremist organization. Seriously. I reread it several times, shaking my head and rubbing my eyes in between. A crime under this article can only be committed intentionally, which means the only way I could have done it is this: - In 2021, I decided to become an extremist and violate the rights of a number of very fine citizens who made billions from corruption. And also to release the film *Putin’s Palace* (that is specifically mentioned in the ruling). - I spent a long time thinking: what would be the best way to commit these terrible crimes? - And then I got it: I’d pop back into the past and register an organization “that infringes on the personhood and rights of citizens.” - No sooner said than done. Straight from my pretrial detention cell, I flew back to 2011 and registered the ACF. - And then, just to be safe, I did it again in 2014. Quoting the charges: “At an unspecified time during the period prior to 2014, A.A. Navalny, understanding that the effectiveness of criminal activity increases substantially when carried out by a group, decided to create an organized group under his leadership, which included L.M. Volkov @leonidvolkov, I.Yu. Zhdanov @ioannzh, and other unidentified persons.” There you have it. And every time I returned from the past—where, after a series of amusing mishaps, I managed to avoid running into Navalny-2011 and Navalny-2014—I became more convinced that I was doing the right thing and that my crime was growing ever more terrifying. Well then, at least the investigators from Putin’s Investigative Committee haven’t yet figured out that I also dropped in on an even earlier point in time. Why do you think the dinosaurs went extinct? Don’t worry, the puzzle of my brilliant plan will soon come together, and then you’ll all understand. There was just one serious mistake I made: when I was zipping back to 2011 to register the ACF, I really should have bought some bitcoins 😉