Well, I don’t know. Maybe Putin doesn’t hate me after all, but secretly adores me? That’s why he wants me—just like himself—hidden away in an underground bunker, under the protection of reliable people. How else do you explain the fact that not even 8 days have passed since the sentence giving me 9 years in a maximum-security penal colony came into force, and today the investigator came galloping in again and officially charged me in a new case. It turns out I created an extremist group to stir up hatred toward officials and oligarchs. And when they locked me up, I dared to be unhappy about it (really, how outrageous of me) and called on people to attend rallies. For that, they can tack on up to another 15 years. You see, that’s 15 more years in a safe, stable bunker, where I’ll be sheltered from the surprises and hardships of your so-called “freedom.” Where things are such a mess that ordinary people actually walk the streets—not just officers from the FSO (Federal Protective Service) and FSIN (Federal Penitentiary Service). My parents came to visit me here; they live in a closed military town. So of course we joked that when Putin finally starts a nuclear war, one of the first missiles will be headed their way. But I’ve got it easy here—who’s going to bomb a prison camp in the swamp? So when the concrete is melting where you are, I’ll just be watching an especially beautiful sunset on the local prison TV network. Thanks, Putin 😉