I’ve been meaning to write about this for a long time. Well, let this be my first post after the new sentence. Almost a confession. I need to overcome this hatred and fear—maybe you can help me do that.  Hatred. People always ask about it, and the letters have started coming again: so, do you hate the judge? Do you hate Putin even more? And I’ve said many times before that hatred is the main thing you have to overcome in prison. There are so many reasons for it here, and your powerlessness is the strongest possible catalyst. So if you give hatred free rein, it will finish you off and devour you.  But I’ll admit honestly: I do have it in me. And a lot of it. Internet old-timers will remember the meme: “I hate it fiercely, insanely.” That’s about right. And it really does happen most often after these “trials.” The last one, by the way—the one where they gave me 19 years—wasn’t like that. On the contrary, we were all competing to shower one another with courtesies. Not once during the entire proceedings did anyone raise their voice. That’s the most dangerous kind of judge: he’ll slap you with 19 years and somehow still make you feel sympathetic toward him.  What really sends me into a rage are the hearings in the local district court. The cases there are as simple as can be, there’s no room for legal maneuvering, and the judges just plainly and openly say that black is white: “No, this is white—look, the certificate says it’s white,” and then hand down blatantly unlawful rulings.  But although sometimes, unable to hold back, I yell at some “judge” like Samoilov, the object of my enormous hatred is not him at all. Nor the lawless, thieving cops from the penal colony. Nor the FSB officers who command them. Not even—surprisingly—Putin. In moments like that, I hate the people I once loved. The people I stood by no matter what, the people I argued for until I was hoarse. And I hate myself for ever having loved them. (Watch the full video on the “Navalny” YouTube channel and read the text on the navalny.com blog. Links are in Stories and in the profile bio.)