Question: what do all prisoners have in common? A harsh disposition? No. A particular look, full of anguish and pain? Tattoos and prison slang? Absolutely not. What unites prisoners is that most of them have no teeth. Poor nutrition, no solid food, lots of sweets (the cheapest kind of food), lots of strong tea, smoking, and a complete lack of dental care all take their toll. By the way, everyone brushes their teeth like crazy—mothers and grandmothers would be pleased—but it doesn’t help. Anyone with tooth pain is doomed to prolonged suffering: “The dentist comes to us on schedule. In 4 months. Endure it.” And when the dentist does come, he just pulls the teeth, because he has no equipment. I’d heard plenty about this problem, so I immediately decided that I would follow the basic dental commandment, just like on the outside, and get a professional cleaning and checkup once a year. Prison rules explicitly allow it. An additional medical service at your own expense. Pay, and they’ll take you for an MRI or to the dentist. In theory. For more than a year, I’ve been trying to get them to take me to a regular dental clinic in the district center for a 5,000-ruble procedure (about $55). I have a huge folder of certificates and permits. And the prison dentists honestly write: yes, a professional cleaning is approved, and it cannot be done in the penal colony. But the colony smiles to your face and says: “We have no objection, but only inside the zone (the prison grounds). We have a dental chair.” The chair exists; the equipment does not. After the examination, the dentist says: “Spit here.” And there’s a bag of saliva hanging from a stick. Everyone spits into it. I go to court and say: “But this is abuse. It can’t be done in the colony, and the prison dentist confirms that.” The brilliant reply is: “Well then, find a dentist who will bring everything with him.” So I get a statement from the district dental clinic saying it is impossible to bring the equipment into the zone. After that, the colony brings some woman to court as an “expert,” and she says that AirFlow professional cleaning is a popular procedure, but actually teeth can be cleaned with metal hooks. (To be continued in the carousel) ---------- Why, in 2023, should I have to brush my teeth with iron hooks? The reason seems to be that the funds allocated for the purchase of a dental chair were simply stolen from the Federal Prison Service. And if they were to transport me to the district center, that would mean admitting this fact. No chair, no equipment, just a bag on a stick filled with saliva. Despite the relatively short 20-minute ride in transport and a one-hour procedure costing 5,000 rubles, I go for the second round and collect certificates again. The bag on a stick with saliva is a real symbol of Russian prison healthcare.