When you're looking for a wife, make sure to vet the prospective bride properly: was she ever registered with the authorities as a juvenile delinquent? I failed to do that back in the day, and well, here we are. By now, the administration is notifying me practically every day that yet another letter from Y.B. Navalnaya cannot be delivered to me and has been confiscated by the censors because it contains signs of preparation for a crime. All of her recent letters have met the same fate. So I write back to her: “Yulia, stop plotting crimes! Better make some borscht for the kids instead.” But she just can’t stop. She keeps inventing new and new crimes. And she keeps writing to me about them in her letters. And after all, a hundred years ago she told me that once, at school, she and her friends stole a classmate’s briefcase and threw it out of a second-story window. The briefcase, I mean (though by now I’m not so sure). Even back then, her criminal tendencies were perfectly obvious. Not a wife, but some kind of outlaw.