I studied the TV schedule very carefully. And where, pray tell, is the film *Charodei* (*The Enchanters*, a classic Soviet New Year’s movie)? It’s not on the 31st, not on the 1st, not on the 2nd. Not on the main channels, nor on any of the smaller ones. New Year’s means Olivier salad, kholodets (meat aspic), *The Irony of Fate*, and *Charodei*. The bloody regime can appoint successors or keep Puten, change election laws, and roll out national projects. But canceling the New Year’s broadcast of *Charodei* is simply not allowed. These are the foundations of the universe. I refuse to celebrate New Year’s. UPD I panicked too soon. It turns out *Charodei* is airing on no fewer than two channels. I once again agree to celebrate New Year’s.