So yesterday they brought me to the Investigative Committee for “review of the case materials.” And sitting in the investigator’s office was a polite young man in a suit: Hello, I’m from the prosecutor’s office. On instructions from the Prosecutor General’s Office of Russia, I need to question you. But I’m not allowed to speak to anyone under the terms of my house arrest, so I replied that questioning me would be difficult (and even my answering was technically illegal), but my lawyer could offer some explanations. Inside, though, I was pleased. I thought: if this is an order from the Prosecutor General’s Office, then they must have finally started looking into one of our corruption complaints. Maybe Zhirik Jr.’s apartment (“Zhirik” is a nickname for Vladimir Zhirinovsky; this refers to his son), maybe Babakov’s palace in France (the deadlines have come up in all these cases, and in Babakov’s case they expired long ago), or maybe—who knows—maybe they’ve even started examining one of the complaints about the Olympics. They should have to—some cases are so obvious they can’t just be brushed aside. And then this polite guy from the prosecutor’s office lays some papers on the table: we***’d like to question you about the moose. We even enlarged the photograph for you.***
(photo taken by lawyer Mikhailova) The investigator is laughing, the lawyer is laughing, and the guy from the prosecutor’s office is struggling very hard to keep a straight face. WHAT?!
WHAT MOOSE?! WE WRITE TO YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY ABOUT BILLIONS IN THEFT, AND YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED. AND NOW THE PROSECUTOR GENERAL’S OFFICE ISSUES AN ORDER TO QUESTION ME ABOUT A MOOSE?! That’s what I would have said, if I’d had the right to say anything. But as we know, the Basmanny Court (a Moscow court often associated with politically charged cases) takes those rights away. So I just looked sadly out the window and sighed.
It turned out this wasn’t even some idle United Russia deputy sending an inquiry to the Prosecutor General’s Office. The Prosecutor General’s Office itself, on its own initiative, launched an inquiry based on media reports. It’s an absolutely magnificent scheme: A photo of Navalny hunting is found on Navalny’s social media. Some crazy woman is found who declares: the grass in the photo is green, which means the hunt took place in summer, which means Navalny is a poacher and should face criminal charges. Even though hunting adult moose is allowed starting September 1.
http://img.rg.ru/pril/45/91/85/5415_2.gif 3. A bunch of trashy pro-Kremlin media outlets write stories along the lines of “Navalny is a poacher and the prosecutor’s office will investigate him.” NTV even did a TV segment. At the same time, no one could even be bothered to file an actual complaint with the prosecutor’s office. 4. The Prosecutor General’s Office orders an inquiry based on media reports. I think this is an absolutely brilliant scheme, and under no circumstances should it stop here—it should definitely be used further. My photos from the internet could inspire many more shocking investigations:
Navalny with a gun. Perhaps he possesses this weapon illegally. The Prosecutor General’s Office is conducting an inquiry, while the Investigative Committee is determining whether this gun was used to kill cash-in-transit guards.
Navalny next to a car. The Prosecutor General’s Office will investigate whether he stole this vehicle while drunk.
According to experts and analysts, in this photograph Navalny is shouting obscene chastushki (short, often crude folk rhymes). The Prosecutor General’s Office has opened an inquiry into hooliganism.
Upon arriving at a restaurant, the Navalnys demanded that underage children wait on them at the table. The Investigative Committee has launched an investigation. The United Russia party has declared itself ready to help the little ones harmed by the opposition figure’s actions.
Political analyst Sergei Markov has no doubt: judging by the greenery and the composition of the grass (in which an expert identified common buttercup), one can conclude that on June 22, 2012, Navalny entered a Far Eastern nature reserve in order to mark the anniversary of Hitler’s invasion by torturing an endangered animal listed in the Red Book.
As Investigative Committee spokesman Vladimir Markin stated, robbing stagecoaches on the highway is a serious crime, and if Navalny hopes his overseas patrons will help him escape responsibility, that will not happen. A criminal case has been opened.
As Moscow Deputy Mayor Sergei Kapkov said in an interview with Izvestia, Navalny’s unpleasant smile clearly indicates that he regularly leaves cafés without paying and slips extremist leaflets into the bill folder. Trendy Moscow restaurateurs have submitted a collective appeal to the prosecutor’s office. An inquiry is underway. A whole brave new world opens up if you apply this photo-and-investigation scheme creatively. There’ll be work for everyone: the police, journalists from Kremlin media outlets, and the prosecutor’s office. PS For those who are curious, let me clarify: nothing illegal was done with the moose, and what inevitably happened to its carcass was this—it was eaten. A reminder that these posts are prepared and published by Yulia Navalnaya and ACF staff.